Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
