wat bout pragnant strippers??
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
