I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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