he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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