I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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