a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
