he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
