I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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