Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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