Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
