textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
