At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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