I wish my penis had an off switch
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize