I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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