You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
