At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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