hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
