the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
