i don't like sucking hair
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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