just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
