i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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