We should be called the Road Head Warriors
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
