he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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