my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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