And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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