5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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