smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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