Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
