bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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