i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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