i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
