She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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