Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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