Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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