This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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