Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
