you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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