Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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