thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize