i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
