She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
