I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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