Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize