i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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