they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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