Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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