laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
