Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
