I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will be naked everywhere
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize