haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
