when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
