Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
