i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
