dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
