Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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