What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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