Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
