Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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