this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
