a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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