I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
