DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
