Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
