I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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