Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
