I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
