So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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