i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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