i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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