Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
