I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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