Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
