she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's like iHOP with fire
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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