Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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