i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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