I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
