I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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