..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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