hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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