We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
