i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
