dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
