smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
