so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
