You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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