last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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