quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
