it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i think i have herpe
just one?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
