Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
