he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
