She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
