Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
