he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
