I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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