Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
