How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
