Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
