you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
