awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He has the fingertips of a God
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