I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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