What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
