It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
