omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
