Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
