and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
