Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize