It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize