I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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